Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
