Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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