She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
