I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I party with great urgency now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
