Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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