she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
