Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I will pee on everything he values.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
