I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
