Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize