don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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