girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
