If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
