We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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