I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
