Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
