Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
