There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
