Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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