Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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