I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize