69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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