how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
