wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
