i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
