Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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