did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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