i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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