So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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