I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
