that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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