"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
