He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize