i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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