You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
