My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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