i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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