Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
