I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Please don't give away my fajitas
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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