when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
