Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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