Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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