she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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