he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
