i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
