So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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