i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
