WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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