Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
