I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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