He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
