I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there was a trapeze. enough said
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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