where does the pee come out of this thing
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
