he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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