end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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