two words: eviction party
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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