I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
