Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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