he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
