Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
