Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
