So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
