There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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