i don't like sucking hair
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
