I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
