Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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