break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
