I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
