u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
