also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
