My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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