I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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